Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize