Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
