Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
