all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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