it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
