Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
