apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So many bounce houses so little time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
