watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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