let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize