chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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