New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
