tell your sister to shave her snatch
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
