On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
