I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
