Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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