This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
