OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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