You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
