you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My pussy is not your playground.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
