Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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