Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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