My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
