so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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