every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
