you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
