I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
