just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
