im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
