you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
