i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
