Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
