you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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