you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
