Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
