I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
now i know why i became what i already was.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
