I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
