I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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