I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
