HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
