Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I sprained my soul last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
