ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
