We're facebook friends in real life
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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