Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
