When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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