dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
