he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
