I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
