yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
