im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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