why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
