Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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