I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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