You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
