i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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