that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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