sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
