I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
