eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
