The maid of honor just puked.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
