I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
