ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
