just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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