yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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