You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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