Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
