What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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