I molested 6 butterflies tonight
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
