you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
