the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
