I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
someone owes me an orgasm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
