she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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