I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Terrible idea I love it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
