She's JV to your varsity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
