even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
