I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize