Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
