Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
