oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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