I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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